Though I have, for the most part, enjoyed my time with AMP, I will be stepping down as a moderator effective today. The reasons are as personal as they are political. I want you followers to know that it’s not about you and what you send in. I became a moderator because I wanted to help people. This has been a long time coming, to be honest, but I just needed a little push.
In light of recent events. Some publicized and some not, by AMP, I feel like I can no longer be associated with this blog.
I started rethinking my position when I got wind of our followers sending death threats to other blogs. It was upsetting to think that even though we were attempting to foster positivity on our blog, that there were people who were either oblivious or didn’t care. It was very disappointing to me, as you could probably see from my posts on the subject. I don’t tolerate that sort of behavior. And I don’t want to be associated with a blog that fosters that sort of behavior.
After the issue with Sami, I also became aware that people who were introduced as moderators were immediately set at ‘admin’ status. While I believe that trust is important, I feel like that is a poor way to run a blog. For those of you that do not know, admins cannot be dismissed, and they are able to change the layout, settings and whatnot of a blog.
There is no real system of checks and balances on AMP, and things can get mottled. When I myself invited a new moderator to the blog, I made a post about giving them a “trial run” to see if they were capable and a good at their “job”. Privately of course. You as the followers didn’t see it, but I will provide screenshots if needed. However, when I checked after being gone, they had been set to admin status. So far, they are a good moderator, but I don’t believe that people should be welcomed into the fold after only about a day of showing their stuff. Especially after what happened with Sami, I feel like AMP as a whole needs to be more cautious about who they have moderating the blog.
It goes without saying that I don’t agree with this way of running a blog. There’s currently nine admin/moderators. There are definitely too many cooks in the kitchen for the blog to run smoothly. There’s no real, solid way for us to communicate with each other and it’s a complete mess.
If the followers are not aware, one of the moderators said something ableist and has not apologized and refuses to apologize.
I personally tried to talk to them. They were abrasive and refused to recognize that what they did was wrong. While I understand that they are under a lot of stress from harassment and other issues, there is no excuse for that behavior. Ever.
I am under the belief that no matter your mental state, you apologize for something you did wrong. It’s the Decent Person Thing To Do. I do not agree with how this moderator has been handling themselves of late. It hurts me in my heart, but I can’t be friends with someone who not only insulted me, but refuses to see that they were wrong in their actions.
I won’t say anything bad against them. That would be rotten of me as I leave. But I will say that I do not approve of their behavior. I do not approve of the other moderators enabling this behavior. Though the “leaked photos” were not reflective of the usual interaction between the moderators, I think it speaks volumes that both moderators could treat their fellow admins with such disrespect. People who may be considered friends. I will not stand by and allow myself to be treated this way.
I am a very timid person. It has taken me years to get where I am. My immediate reaction to someone yelling at me is to apologize and grovel. My reaction to someone insulting me is to flinch because that usually comes paired with abuse. My reaction is strong, in my gut, in the back of my neck. It burns, it hurts. My heart beats too fast and too hard. It’s not panic, but it’s anxiety and it sucks.
The lack of apology from the moderators of AMP has been distressing. So I’m making one now. I am completely, and painfully sorry for those that were hurt by that moderator’s words. I’m sorry for those that were hurt reading our moderators speaking to each other so harshly.
That said… with the absence of Firework, I don’t believe this blog should continue. There is too much abusive behavior and too many people have said that they’re afraid to write in with their questions. So I am removing the URL. People who behave in this way don’t deserve to call themselves a place of education.
I’m sorry I am leaving. If you like me as a moderator, as a person. I have my personal, callan-the-misandrist. I also have my blog space-of-safety.
It has been a good run. I wish everyone luck.
PS: I’m going to be here until I go to bed, and then I’ll remove myself from AMP. You are welcome to send in any questions and I’ll answer them publicly or privately. And please, please don’t contact the other moderators on this issue. It is mine and mine alone.